Monday, August 16, 2010

Let's Talk Of Distances


Distance makes the heart grow fonder
Really?
The most important part of any successful relationship involves being there for each other and being able to share those small inconsequential details of your life with the other person; and when, according to me, one is not able to do that, the distance separating the two of you actually causes a gap in the relationship - something which, if not bridged immediately, could severely affect the relationship. 
When someone is away, we miss that person immensely. At first, we may try cheering ourselves up by thinking of the privileges we can enjoy in that person's absence: for example, I don't need to fight with someone for the television remote. I can order pizza and not worry about having to order something you like. But after a while, we tend to focus on all the good times we had with that person and start appreciating them and missing them. So, yes, in a way, distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

However, distance hampers the process of effective communication.  Even though we live in an era where we can remain in touch without spending a lot of money through Skype, Facebook, e-mails and telephonic conversations, eventually, one does realize that it is not the same as being with that person. I would gladly exchange a two-hour long phone conversation for being with that person for a mere fifteen minutes. 

I do not believe in long-distance relationships ever working. Personally, I have never met anyone who has managed to survive a long-distance relationship.
The only scenario where I feel distance is not an issue is with online friends. While referring to online friends, I do not mean random strangers we talk to but in fact, those people whom we have met online yet whom we consider to be an integral part of our lives. These people understand us; we can pour our hearts out to them and sometimes, even tell them secrets we do not feel like sharing with people we know in the 'real world'. The fact that our net-friend lives in probably another city, another country or maybe, even another continent, does not seem to be much of a bother.
However, I feel, even here, distance can affect the friendship:
For example, we often meet our online friends once we have established a good rapport with them and have managed to trust our judgement that this person is worth meeting. If we are very attached to this person and one meet results in another and so on, later, we do not find ourselves wanting to go back to being friends in the virtual world alone...

I feel once we meet people in the real world, we end up having too many expectations and when they cannot live up to those expectations, our relationship takes a toll. While it is good to have hopes, I feel expectations should be minimal. 
I have found even the best of my friendships getting hampered by distance...I have never been a person who can settle down at one place. After having moved to three cities, I realize that as I move to a new place, the strong bonds of friendship that I had with the friends in the previous place start weakening. We all keep in touch and are updated about what is happening in everyone's life but it is never ever the same as being there...even in times of crisis, they can never really be there for you although they want to because of the distance. While that is completely understandable and you can convince yourself to not harbor any hard feelings, it is very difficult to actually accept the fact and admit it to yourself that the relationship has undergone a change and it will never be like before...

Based on my experiences, I have developed a somewhat pessimistic attitude and resolved never to become close to anyone because I know that it's not going to be permanent: I am not suggesting that I will be anti-social; just that I will not be getting too attached to anyone because I do not think my relationships can stand the test of distances.
What is your take on this??

7 comments:

leo said...

abt frndships nwadays being short-lived and without any proper bonds is true in most cases now..but the pessimistic attitude wont help..sayin that frm experience not preachin..makes u duller even without u knowin..its best to assume that wat we have now is the best that can be had and try to enjoy wat u can..but some friendships do stand the test of time and distance..i talk max to my frnd frm 6th std..even though him and me had gone abt 6yrs without any contact..nw talk online of course..but still its better than most chats i have with ppl arnd me..but thats a rare case..

Sapphire said...

@Leo: I think there is a difference between being pessimistic and realistic - there is no point in thinking positively and hoping that this relationship will last and stand the test of distance and time - it's better to accept that you may be good friends now but you will move on and this whole thing that you share is temporary: It feels horrible when you lose people you are close to or when you discover that the intimacy and closeness you shared with a person long ago is not so intimate or close anymore.
I am in touch with my 2 best friends since kindergarden but it's not the same and that actually makes me feel sad!!

Ellen said...

Wise observations, Sapphire, and so true. Beautifully written too... as is your usual of course. :-) Glad to have come and read this now. I can relate to everything you've said. :-)Thanks for a lovely piece. Hope you're having a good week. Take care always. God bless you and your family.

Dona said...

Wow...you wrote down my thoughts =)..

Sapphire said...

@Ellen
Thank You for your kind words :) Coming from someone who writes as well as you, it is indeed more than just a compliment :)

@Dona
Ha!Ha! Your poem also reminded me a little of my blog posts :D

Hazel said...

Well, my mom and dad managed to survive a long-distance relationship. My mom was in Philippines with me and my sister and my dad is at the US. They've been separated for 7 years but they loved each other deeply. When we all met in Canada again, they still love each other a lot. Just because long-distance relationships are hard, doesn't mean you can't believe in its possibility.I love your choice of words and your ideas towards this sort of things. :D

Sapphire said...

@Hazel
Thank you :) Glad to hear of one long-distance relationship that is rocking :) :) Cheers!!

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