Sunday, November 14, 2010

Friends? Really?

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Then, there are some who stay for a little while, leave footprints on our heart; and then, we are never ever the same."
I am a person who is always surrounded by a large group of people. I am friendly and find it easy to get along with almost anybody. A lot of people consider me to be their good friend. They call me when they are in trouble. I am on the guest-list of every party. I still get more than 300 calls on my birthday along with e-mails, cards, letters or wishes on Facebook.
BUT I still wonder: how many friends do I have?
Sounds absurd, doesn't it? You must be thinking (after reading the description above) that I have tons of friends. I am not quite sure if I do...

People say that friends are people with whom you can share everything. Never in my life have I been able to share each and every aspect of my life with one person! I think I have trust issues and I feel that what I cannot tell everyone, I should tell no one. I know a lot of people's secrets and I keep them! But I find it hard to disclose my secrets even to the ones who confide in me. I have never shared my secrets with anyone. I don't know if it is because I have never met anyone trustworthy or if it is because I have major trust issues! I feel everyone loves gossip and I should not make the mistake of trusting one person because every best friend has another best friend and no one ever keeps things to themselves!

I hate being at home. I find it to be very confining. Therefore, whenever I get a holiday, or if I have an evening off with nothing to do, I easily find company to go out and do something I wish to do but just because I go out with a person for a movie or hang out with a person at a coffee-shop, does that mean I can now call that person a 'friend'? A friend is not just a companion for certain activities which would be boring to do if you were alone...

"A friend is someone who is with you in your good times and your bad times."
I always have people around me to share the good times and join in the celebrations. I have been extremely fortunate and I consider myself to be the luckiest person on the planet *touch wood* because I have not experienced any bad times or devastating times yet. Therefore, these people have never really had to take the test of friendship...I do not have any occasion to doubt them but I also do not have any occasion that can make me proudly declare that my friends have always stuck by my side even during my tough times! So can I give them that certificate so easily? 

Till date, no one has ever betrayed my trust because I think I have always played safe and never given that luxury to someone because I have never managed to trust anyone so blindly in the first place. People say I am fun, I am friendly and I am a wonderful person to be around. I have been given a lot of compliments but I think two of the sweetest things that have ever been said to me, are:
"You are a gift to those around you."
"No Sapphire, No Friendship. Know Sapphire, Know Friendship."
The best way of having a friend is to be one. I am a good friend and I am sure more than 400 people will certify that but despite knowing and being friends of so many, I am still confused about who are my true friends and who are not.

"A true friend knows you inside out."
I exhibit different sides of my personality to different people. And, like I have already mentioned, I do not share secrets with anyone. Hence, all those who claim to know me only know those things which I have told them or those aspects which I have wanted them to know about. All those people who claim to know me really well also know very little about me. 

I know this may seem like an unnecessary rant but should I narrow down my definition of 'friendship' to just include those people I can spend time with, share a few stories, do things I enjoy doing and, after all that, to go back to whatever it is that I am supposed to do? Surely, friendship is more than that...What do you have to say about this?

12 comments:

Jack said...

Sapphire,

Very intersting post. True friend will understand your needs without being told. True friend does not ask reasons for you actions but makes it easier for you to do correct things. True friend is there when chips are down. A secret does not remain a secret once you share it with anyone. Trust can not be built unless you test someone. Wish you all the best to have such nice company always.

Take care

STEPHEN TEA said...

YES, A TRUE FRIEND IS PART OF ONESELF. I ENJOY AND ADMIRE THE JOURNEYS YOU TAKE INTO ALL REGIONS OF YOUR MIND AND SPIRIT. STAY WARM...BE LOVED... THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT ON MY BLOG...

joejoseph said...

WHAT SECRET, I HAV NO IDEA,

MAIL CHECKU CHEYYANAM

Sapphire said...

@Jack
Yes :) I know it's not possible to certify someone as 'trustworthy' unless and until they have been tested and passed the test!! As far as friends understanding what I need without being told, I wonder: are people really telepathic to that level? Don't you think there are times when you need to tell friends what you need and it is not their fault if they haven't been able to figure that out on their own?

@Stephen
You are welcome - visiting you blog is my pleasure :) Thanks for your kind words...

@joejoseph
I have no idea what you are talking about :P

Geeta said...

For me, with time (aka age), the definition of friendship has changed . There is no one-size fits all kind of a deal here, but I will tell you thing, the good ones(its not like the rest are not good) or the ones who can sync with you are the ones who last or stay with you the longest.

I don't believe in tests of friendships, there is none really. One might fail in one aspect but come out flying colors in another.

- Sugar Cube - said...

Hey :)
Well this seems kinda complicated. I mean the fact you have so many people around with whom you spend a good time and yet you don't know who your true friends are!
I too do not easily share my secrets. I may share one thing with a friend but not necessarily with other friends.But that doesn't make them any less of a friend.
I guess in end its all about who you love being with...people you are most comfortable with and people you know who will stand by you in thick and thin.

Sapphire said...

@Geeta
Yeah - that's true...I feel we exhibit some aspects of our personality more easily with some friends and the rest with other friends: it is not possible to be a completely open book for one friend alone.....True friends are people who last with you or stay with you the longest but don't you think it's absurd? Just because you know or have been with someone for 7-8 years, that person should be a better friend of your's than someone you know for only a few months. I don't think one can use the 'time' factor to judge who is the better friend.

@Sugar Cube
Yeah it is ironical, isn't it? I like your definition though - people you love being with and those you know who will stand by you thick and thin :)

Jack said...

Sapphire,

It is not just material things I am refering to but emotional ones. A true friend know when you want solitude or company or something to cheer you up. A true friend know when to offer shoulder or let you be. A true friend knows when you are trying to hide something and if it is likely to harm or hurt you he or she will intervene.

Take care

Sapphire said...

@Jack
very true, indeed!!

Crystal Jigsaw said...

As we get older, even thoug friendships remain important, we find we enjoy more time to ourselves and those endless nights out with huge circles of friends seem less appealing somehow.

I've never had a big circle of friends. I'm too unsociable!

CJ xx

Ve said...

Whoa!! Sounded like I was hearing myself speak!! I'm in exactly the same boat.. have tons of friends who all confide in me, but never had one single person who I could truly say I trusted enough to bare my soul to. Till 4 years ago. Met a dude at a friend's place.. and we're so alike, people think we're brothers at times. In just 4 short years, he knows me almost as well as I know myself!!

Honestly tho... Im happy to have found such a 'friend'.. but I think I was doing just fine without him too. I realized that I was satisfied with myself... I didnt need to seek the counsel of others when things werent going right.. I didnt neeeeeed to bare my soul.. I didnt need to share my world with someone else in order to feel complete! Bottomline.. all the people around me are my 'friends'. Some I hang out with, some I talk to, some I party with, some I work with, some I meet once a year, some practically live with me. They collectively, make up the friendships I need.

So why redefine the term 'friendship' to suit other people's definition of it? As long as you dont feel incomplete without sharing a deeper connection with someone, and you're happy with the friendships you already share... you've got a good thing going for ya. We're a lot better off than those who need a crutch... coz we stand on our own two feet.. everyone else is appreciated and loved, but not indispensable!

I guess a man(woman)can be an island sometimes after all!! ;)

Sapphire said...

@Crystal Jigsaw
Thanks for dropping by :)I kind of agree - the older we get, the more time we want to spend alone than with friends :)

@Ve
Glad to have company and I love what you said - about being satisfied with oneself..n being alright with not wanting any counseling :) and the collection of people that help you in defining friendship :) That is an awesome way of looking at things :) Am going to think the way you do from now on ;)

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