Friday, August 27, 2010

A Lesson Well-Learnt

There are no strangers. Only friends you have never met.
No matter how cliched it sounds - this is so true!
It has been almost two months since I joined my new course in a new college in a new city. In this span of two months, I have not really made any new friends. My hectic schedule prevents me from spending quality time to bond with someone new, and catching up with some old friends of mine in the city is how I end up spending all my leisure time. Also, most people in my class are 'nerds' and are, most of the time, immersed in books!

Hence, what happened yesterday was something I never anticipated: During a class, my teacher was talking about traumatic events and how difficult it is for an outsider to truly understand the feelings of a person who witnessed such an incident.
Many of my classmates were reminded of some tough times they had undergone and one girl's experience was so similar to mine that I somehow lost control of my emotions and broke down completely - my wounds were, after all, still fresh as it had happened less than a year ago!
I had never expected my classmates to try so hard to cheer me up and help me calm down. They were all very nice to me. Of course, there were one or two exceptions, but I choose to concentrate only on the perfect things! Yesterday, I realized that all people in my class are basically very good and I should give them a chance and try knowing them better. They may be book-worms and I am not one but I should not hold that against them. Inside, they are all wonderful people who want to help and shower warmth and affection, and be friends...

Monday, August 16, 2010

Let's Talk Of Distances

Distance makes the heart grow fonder
The most important part of any successful relationship involves being there for each other and being able to share those small inconsequential details of your life with the other person; and when, according to me, one is not able to do that, the distance separating the two of you actually causes a gap in the relationship - something which, if not bridged immediately, could severely affect the relationship. 
When someone is away, we miss that person immensely. At first, we may try cheering ourselves up by thinking of the privileges we can enjoy in that person's absence: for example, I don't need to fight with someone for the television remote. I can order pizza and not worry about having to order something you like. But after a while, we tend to focus on all the good times we had with that person and start appreciating them and missing them. So, yes, in a way, distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder.

However, distance hampers the process of effective communication.  Even though we live in an era where we can remain in touch without spending a lot of money through Skype, Facebook, e-mails and telephonic conversations, eventually, one does realize that it is not the same as being with that person. I would gladly exchange a two-hour long phone conversation for being with that person for a mere fifteen minutes. 

I do not believe in long-distance relationships ever working. Personally, I have never met anyone who has managed to survive a long-distance relationship.
The only scenario where I feel distance is not an issue is with online friends. While referring to online friends, I do not mean random strangers we talk to but in fact, those people whom we have met online yet whom we consider to be an integral part of our lives. These people understand us; we can pour our hearts out to them and sometimes, even tell them secrets we do not feel like sharing with people we know in the 'real world'. The fact that our net-friend lives in probably another city, another country or maybe, even another continent, does not seem to be much of a bother.
However, I feel, even here, distance can affect the friendship:
For example, we often meet our online friends once we have established a good rapport with them and have managed to trust our judgement that this person is worth meeting. If we are very attached to this person and one meet results in another and so on, later, we do not find ourselves wanting to go back to being friends in the virtual world alone...

I feel once we meet people in the real world, we end up having too many expectations and when they cannot live up to those expectations, our relationship takes a toll. While it is good to have hopes, I feel expectations should be minimal. 
I have found even the best of my friendships getting hampered by distance...I have never been a person who can settle down at one place. After having moved to three cities, I realize that as I move to a new place, the strong bonds of friendship that I had with the friends in the previous place start weakening. We all keep in touch and are updated about what is happening in everyone's life but it is never ever the same as being there...even in times of crisis, they can never really be there for you although they want to because of the distance. While that is completely understandable and you can convince yourself to not harbor any hard feelings, it is very difficult to actually accept the fact and admit it to yourself that the relationship has undergone a change and it will never be like before...

Based on my experiences, I have developed a somewhat pessimistic attitude and resolved never to become close to anyone because I know that it's not going to be permanent: I am not suggesting that I will be anti-social; just that I will not be getting too attached to anyone because I do not think my relationships can stand the test of distances.
What is your take on this??