Death

22 January 2009

"Debrupa passed away last Saturday. She had brain tumor."

It is always hard to believe that someone you knew is no more in this world. Needless to say, therefore, that this bit of news struck me like a bolt from the blue. She was only 18 years old. She was such a bright girl and we were all sure that she had a very bright future ahead of her! She was sweet and very easy to get along with. I still don't think she is gone. She must be up there somewhere watching us, painting her butterflies....

It was a long time since I had last spoken to her. I often used to find her online on Facebook or Orkut but I was too lazy to start a conversation and talk to her. And now it was too late...
Too Late - such awful words! I guess I should really stop taking people for granted now, especially my friends.
Unlike the olden days, it is so easy to stay in touch with people now - yet we never seem to be able to maintain our contacts. I wish I could turn time back and tell her of all the things I wanted to...Oh Debrupa! You were there for me when I was completely alone! I shall remember all the happy times we spent together! May Your Soul Rest In Peace!

2nd October, 2009

"Come fast! Mimi hung herself...she is dead!"

This news came as a shock to me! Just the other day I had been talking to her. She seemed perfectly fine. In fact, she seemed much happier than she used to be on most days! I reached her place and it was true...she was indeed no more!
I don't remember when was the last time I cried as much as I did back then...I was more in shock than in grief. People committing suicide was just something I read about in newspapers or watch on news channels. I have heard of friends telling me how they witnessed a suicide attempt in their neighborhood. But how could someone I know commit suicide?

In India, attempting to commit suicide is a punishable offense. I personally have always felt that suicide should be legalized. One should have the right to end one's life when one feels that life is not worth living or when things are just not working out...We do not have an opportunity to decide whether we want to be born or not nor can we choose the kind of life we wish to lead. Therefore, why can't I end my life if things are not going the way I please? Don't I walk out of the movie-hall when the movie is pathetic? Why can't the same logic be applied to one's life?

Mimi's death, however, left me completely puzzled. I started re-thinking things. The grief I experienced on seeing her dead body or while talking to her parents - I don't remember ever feeling this awful! I still have nightmares and I keep wishing she had just come to me once and told me all that she was going through...Maybe, I could have helped her out!
And then I think...she had told me so many things. Perhaps I was just not paying enough attention...Had I been more cautious, I might have been able to see this coming and may have succeeded in putting a stop to this. I wish she had not acted in haste!

No matter how hard I cry and how many tears I shed, she will not come back!
Dear Mimi, You came into my life and occupied a special place in my heart - a place that I never knew existed until you arrived....and now you are gone, and that part of me is empty forever!

Getting over Mimi's death was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do....being there and seeing her being cremated was horrifying! It was worse than Debrupa dying - at that time, I was not home and I just received this news over the phone. Besides, Mimi chose to die - Debrupa had no choice!
Had it not been for some of my friends, I would probably have ended up remaining a nervous wreck! I don't think I can ever thank them enough for being there for me when I desperately needed them!

Today, I do not take any of my friends for granted. I have even stopped fighting with some of them - I am scared that I might just not get an opportunity to make up. When my friends come to me with their problems, I do not have a very casual attitude anymore. This incident taught me a lot but I wish there was some other way I could have learnt these lessons....